Father & Son

Don't marry a man unless you would be proud to have a son exactly like him.

Sometimes there will be these moments of bright clarity in the middle of play. I'll see Hank and Henry together, smiles and laughter, the sheer joy they bring to each others' lives so apparent, and it stops me dead in my tracks. Hank is a great man; he is kind, compassionate, loving, and truly sees the joy in every little thing. And because of all that and more, he is a wonderful father. Seeing the man I love as a parent has been one of the most beautiful things about becoming a mother, and it's the little moments like the one captured above, that I live for.

Growing up I dated a lot. I dated all sorts of guys; nice guys, overly nice guys, fun guys, some not-so-fun guys, and a handful of jerks too. When I was much younger, and before I figured out that I was worth being made a priority, I found myself trying to make something out of nothing a few too many times. But I wised up, I figured it out. I started to look at my parents' relationship, happily married for 30+ years, and I thought about who I wanted to end up with, what he would be like.

Before I met Hank I had sworn off serious relationships. I was 21 and enjoyed being "free"- I loved dating and preferred to do as I pleased, without taking into consideration anyone else as a major part of my life outside my family and friends. But my entire world shifted when I met my future husband, and suddenly here was someone that I could almost immediately see in my future, as scary as that seemed in the moment.

Those years went by so quickly- we fell in love, I relocated to his small town, we moved in together, we got engaged. And there is one thing I remember so distinctly from our engagement party, a specific moment that stands out above all of the laughter and stories and food we shared that night.  A good friend of mine pulled me aside and told me that her mother once said to her, "Don't marry a man unless you would be proud to have a son exactly like him." She wanted to share this with me because she knew that any son of ours would be as wonderful as the best guy we all knew, and she was so happy and excited for our future together.

I think back to this day often, and that quote has stayed with me through the years. Every time I see Hank and Henry kicking a soccer ball, playing with blocks in the middle of the living room, or even reading a story together, I'm reminded. I see my little man trying to emulating my big man- trying on his shoes, the "dada dada dada," the way he lights up when Hank comes in the door after work. And sometimes, I'll see that little twinkle in Henry's eye when he's about to do something funny and I am reminded 100% of his sweet father. Henry is so young, but I can already see how kind he is, how warm and affectionate his heart is, and how silly and fun his spirit can be. It's amazing. I'm raising a boy who is going to be just like the man I married, and for this, I couldn't be happier.

Little bits of memory

I can still remember the beginning. That nervous anticipation during those first few long drives to visit Hank, my hands tapping on the steering wheel, my eyes in the rear view mirror checking and rechecking to see if I still looked alright. It was the beginning of our relationship and we lived two and a half hours apart, so I would often find myself making the trek from Phoenix, up the I-17 and into the mountains. That very first drive up is still so fresh in my mind; the Jets to Brazil I had on the stereo, my cracked window, the fresh August air that evening, and me, trying to relax when I was so, so nervous. It almost seemed too good to be true- everything was falling slowly into place, somehow. And then, after talking for hours and hours every night for weeks, writing so many letters back and forth, and finally going on our first date, Hank had invited me up to visit him in his little town. 

It's strange to go back to the beginning of us. It will be eight years this summer and parts of it seem so far away, and yet other moments I can remember in such crisp detail. If I think back I can still see Hank's first date outfit- his jeans, his American Nightmare hoodie, those Vans. I can immediately recall a handful of mornings waking up with him to the Weakerthans he set for our alarm, tangled blankets and tattooed limbs. I can remember the night Hank asked me to marry him, the way the stars shined so, so brightly in that clear February night, the way my breath blew out like smoke and our voices echoed in the empty square. I think back to our first apartment, the smell of new paint and cardboard boxes, and our second, the smell of fresh cut grass through the open windows. I can go back to our wedding day and remember looking down the aisle at Hank through the yellow and the white and all of our family and friends, all the way to the very end, to him waiting there for me. And I can see him when Henry was born, joy filling every corner of his face.

Memories are funny things. They change over time, they shift, they adapt. We keep what we want, small segments of our days, and the rest dissipates into a hazy fog. I hold tight to the things I want to remember- I take a second and try to capture it, all of it. My memories often feel so cloudy, floating in my mind, but then I'll be reminded of something, and one crystal clear moment will bob to the top, up and down, little bits and pieces becoming more clear.  With Hank I have eight years of these memories, good times and bad, trips and vacations and so much togetherness. My life has a distinct marker, a before and an after, and it's amazing to think about everywhere we've been, and to imagine everywhere we're going. And sometimes, when the weather is just right, I can crack my window, turn up the music, and I'm right back there again, 21-years-old at the very beginning.

We were one tree and not two...

This morning I woke up feeling so thankful for all of this beautiful-ness in my world. My family. The love that surrounds me. Opportunity. The ability I have to make changes, to move forward, and to live how I'd like. Freedom. And I got to thinking about how this one go-round is all about relationships- the connections we make with others- and I thought about all of the people in my life I consider the closest. So naturally I thought about Hank. I thought about what a good man he is, how kind-hearted he is, what a good father he is. I sat there for a minute, thinking about this husband of mine, lost in these lovely thoughts...and spilled hot tea all down the front of my chest. Ow. All happy thoughts flew out of my mind as a few curse words came flying out...but for a moment it was a beautiful. ;) Somewhere in there though I remembered this quote. I came upon it a few years back and I revisit it from time to time. It's about true love, and to me, it's perfect. And I think you'll like it too.

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."

-Louis de Bernières

Seven years ago today

mementos from our first date- of course I saved the movie ticket! :)

Seven years ago today Hank and I went on our very first date. I still recall that feeling as I got ready for that evening- so much anticipation and so many butterflies. I remember pulling up to the Vegetarian House to meet him (he drove down from Prescott for it), and I'll never forget what it felt like walking up to him. That moment marked a distinct divide in my life. A before and after, and a part of me knew this; call me crazy but I felt l like I'd always loved him from the moment I met him, just weeks earlier at mutual friend's house. And even though I was shaking inside and so nervous, at my center I was calm, somehow knowing that this was it for me.

As the night went by we laughed and talked, we walked around Old Town Scottsdale, we went and saw a movie. We ended our night with a slice of pie and seeing some of our mutual friends at the Tempe IHOP, where we'd all often hang out after shows. The date was perfect, and as he walked me to my car I felt like tap dancing. And as he drove away that night, making the two hour trip back up north, something in my gut told me that I was very right about my feelings. I woke up the next morning to a long email, written at 4am when he got home, reassuring me of that. I still have this letter tucked away in a special place, because it's the true beginning of us.

And now seven years later we still celebrate our special first-date anniversary, and I think we always will. It's such a fun celebration of such an important day, and it's so fun to think back and remember how it all began. Seven years, and a million more to come.

If you'd like to read more, you can learn about how we met, our engagement story, or flashback to our wedding! Enjoy.


p.s. I just realized yet again how GRATEFUL I am for this blog and this space...to have all of this documented in such a way is truly amazing. Yay, blog! haha.

Memorial Day Weekend

This past weekend was nothing short of wonderful. I'm a big fan of birthdays, and I've never been to type to get bummed out at the start of another year. I actually really enjoy getting older, weird, I know. I don't know if I'll always feel that way, but for now I just really feel like life only gets better with every year that goes by. I always wonder what great things the next year will hold. So, as I turned 29 this weekend I was more than happy to usher in the last year of my twenties.

Hank, Henry, Madeline and I spent the weekend down in Mesa at my parents', and had the best time. Friday evening my best friends surprised me with a little dinner party and I drifted off to sleep that night with a full belly and a happy heart. Saturday morning my Mom and I had a great workout, then came home and we all went out to Chandler Fashion Center to shop. I ended up meeting the most adorable reader (hi Sarah!) and she totally made my day. While there Hank also got part one of his birthday present from me, an iPad!  He was so happy and surprised, and it was great to walk into the Apple store and let him know he could go ahead and pick one out. For months I'd been discouraging him from buying one, so he really had no idea. He was beyond happy and jumped around like a little kid. So awesome. Afterward we all went to Green for lunch. The rest of the day was spent relaxing until we headed out to North Scottsdale for Nate's 30th birthday bash at Greasewood Flats. We listened to country music, played horseshoes, and had such a great, low-key night.

Sunday was my actual birthday and it was kind of a dream day for me. To summarize without going into too much detail, it included sleeping in, working out, eating ice cream cake, a trip to Target, swimming and taking lots of photos at the park! My sister also gave us an amazing gift...tickets to see Britney Spears and Nicki Minaj with her. Believe it or not Hank really and truly loves pop music and especially Britney. Yup. So feel free to make fun of him when you see him!

I just feel so thankful for the past few days.  I have a feeling this year is going to be amazing, and I'm excited to see what it has in store for me. This past year has been filled with a lot of personal growth...and is it weird to say that I'm proud of myself? 'Cause I am. I hope I'm just as proud of my 29-year old self at the end of this year.

Here are some photos from the weekend:

Three years ago today... (image heavy)

Three years ago today I married my best friend, and started on the most beautiful journey. I feel so lucky to call Hank my husband, and not a day goes by where I don't find myself taking a step back and feeling so grateful to have this amazing love in my life. It's almost surreal to look back on these photos now- even though it's only been a few years I feel like we look so young, and it's incredible to think how much everything has changed.

Hank is a constant inspiration to me in so many ways- he's the most positive person I've ever known and works so hard to support our family. He makes me want to be a better person, love unconditionally, and get the most out of life. We've been together for seven years and married for three, and I can't wait for a million more! It's a great thing to be married to your best friend. I love you Hank, happy anniversary!

p.s. if you'd like to read more about the planning that went into a 300+ person wedding, you can read my feature over on my sweet friend Melissa's wedding blog, The Loveliest Day.  And to see more photos, visit my wedding set on Flickr. I've also previously blogged about how we met, and our engagement story as well!  Happy Tuesday. xoxo